Learning about waiting - Part 1

Waiting makes me feel like an idiot. Lonely. I am a HUGE target while I am waiting. I let my thoughts wander wild and UN-true when I am waiting. Well…I am NOT going to do that NOW. Here’s what I know.
If I am waiting, waiting on God, and He doesn’t feel near, I KNOW He says He’ll never leave me or forsake me. I KNOW He loves me. I KNOW He demonstrates His love for me, and DOES demonstrate His love for me in like a kazillion ways. When I’ve been the MOST vulnerable…and I have a very long road to go with that……He SHOWS UP. He blesses my socks off… He melts me, moves me. THAT is the truth. He has NOT let me face shame…He only ever is about lifting it and bringing me love and honor. HONOR… ME!??? He crowns me with His love, graces me with His patience and belief that I WILL CLING TO HIM… He is fantastic about proving His love to me over and over. He lets me in on His heart, shows me MINE, touches me in the depths of my soul… where only HE can go. Right now… this place of shame/wait… Lord.. COME IN!! I welcome YOU Holy Spirit. I WELCOME YOU!!! I praise YOU in the wait. I lift up my eyes, my gaze… and say.. YOU are worth the wait Jesus!!!! You are worth pursuing… Like Mary… who didn’t know what in the world to do once you were gone… she hung around your grave… just hung around… being with you…even though you weren’t there. She stuck her neck out soooo far… and YOU SHOWED UP! Who would have EVER dreamed THAT would or COULD happen!!!! YOU showed up Jesus… when you were supposed to be DEAD. Lord, let me HANG AROUND…. Long after everyone else has given up. LET ME hang around waiting, hoping, pacing, crying, dancing, whistling…. I know YOU are here! You’re not invisible… you’re NOT busy…you’re listening, looking, seeing, MOVING, acting, releasing, healing, creating, designing….orchestrating, playing, swinging, and are at peace with all that concerns me.
Why is it that I want to RUN so fast and far when there is ‘wait time’ in connecting with my friends. So many times, my heart is tempted to assume the ‘worst’… I am 2nd, I am 3rd, 5th, 19th, they have issues with me, they’re drifting away, I’m boring, blah blah blah.. on and on… Well, that’s a BUNCH of crap. I’m here to say NO to that crap. I KNOW I am loved, and THEY know I love them. We are NOT going to stay here anymore you STUPID devil. Lord, thank you for all you were revealing this morning about the word steadfast. What’s locked in my heart and spirit...without the benefit of ‘notebook cheating’… it means NOT GOING ANYWHERE….immovable, strong, enduring, willing to WAIT a long time. Not going to leave when needed the most. NEAR… closing the gap of space and time. NO SPACE. There’s NO space when there’s steadfast. It’s like a hug. NO space. I’m HERE. You can’t get rid of me… and I know you don’t want to. We all want to run, it’s hard to face fear, hard to believe that we won’t be left and abandoned when our hearts are breaking…but I CHOOSE to stay in this gap Jesus. I choose to fight for the FACT that what you’ve begun, you will carry on to completion. It’s a GOOD thing. I lift up all that is precious to us…the nearness, the fun, the laughter, intimacy, closeness, feeling special, knowing we are known, an open unlocked door, access, nakedness, support, favor, loyalty, security, TIME, availability, comfort, being listened to, being forgiven, trusted, looked at, touched, smiled at, winked at. GOD… alllll of this… I lift up to YOU. COME AND consume our hearts… the longing, what feels like FAR… AND what feels like NEAR… and make it holy and good and true and FILL all the empty places. We rejoice over the empty places. The space is joy. The space is joy.